BeautifullyBroken

This verse has hit me hard today. The last two days have not been good. I let the devil win. I backslid big time. I went back to my old ways, and immediately blew something way out of proportion, instead of shaking it off, I let it ruin half my day. HALF MY DAY!!! After 10 pretty good days. What was I thinking? Oh yeah, I wasn't. Ugh. Okay, I can't dwell on it. I can see everything clearer today.  While I was thinking of writing tonight this verse came to my head. 2 Corinthians 5:17 If anyone is in Christ, He is a New Creation. I have to rely on this verse. I can't let myself be pulled back in. Back into the turmoil that my life used to be. I'm not a stupid person, but I always feel like it when I look back onto a day like yesterday. Why I couldn't stop? I have NO clue. My Friends tried to stop me, but, I was too far gone at that point. Now, I have the residual effect of being disappointed in myself, along with just feeling drained. Emotional roller coaste...

      After having a great week, I decided to change how I look at every day! I started each day this last week praying with my husband at the beginning of the day. Now, it might have had something to do with my good week, okay, I'm pretty sure that it definitely had something to do with my good week!       Psalm 28:7 is the verse that I'm going to rely on this week. After having a great week, I know that the devil is going to seep his way in at some point this next week. It's going to be a struggle, I know this. Awhile ago, I was never prepared for it, and if I was, I didn't feel like I knew what to do. I know now that when I think things are going good, the devil is just biding his time.  So, I have to shield myself, I have to rely more and more on the Lord and His strength.  Here's to another great week!!!!! 

Have you heard the song Stand in the Rain by Superchick? The lyrics describe me so much!!! Between this song and the sermon that I heard today my mind is going 100mph. The good thing is, it's not bad. I'm not struggling! I just feel like I'm building up my arsenal. The chorus to the song: Stand in the Rain Stand your Ground Stand up when it's all crashing down Stand through the pain You won't drown and  One day what's lost can be found.  This should be my new mantra. It's so easy to let the devil drag you down. It's so hard to see that he is doing this. Just when you think you are on the right track, BAM!! he's right there. Do you see it? Do I see it? Is it too late when I see it? I would have to say this last week, I wasted at least 4 days because I let the the devil win! I LET him win!!! It's so easy for me to see this after the fact. The good news though, I learned from it. What did I learn? When things start to g...

There has been something on my mind for a few days now. My pastor actually brought up a point that scares the crap out of me. Didn't even realize it until he said it and my reaction was a sign that I might have a problem with it. We were talking about my marriage and how I had to accept that fact that I might "need" my husband. You see, this scares the crap out of me, for many reasons. The first one is I have done this (being a mom, wife, etc.) pretty much on my own for most of our marriage (almost 18 years). The second reason is, last time I "needed" him he let me down. I don't want to go through that hurt again!! I've been let down by so many people in my life, which in turn has me basically putting up a barrier for others to have to try to cross.  The definition of need is, requires (something) because it is essential or very important. Like water, food, sleep (which is lacking currently) but my husband? Okay, I guess I could put him under the ...

Did you ever wonder to yourself, "how did I get here?" How did I get to this point of ...........(insert whatever it is you are dealing with.) For me, it's been different things all the time. Most recently, "How did I get to this point of shutting down again?" Shutting down is something I struggle with a lot! I start shutting people out and burying my emotions. When this happens, it's so hard for me to come out of it, or to stop myself from going further into shut down mode. I can't convince myself to stop, to get out of it. I lose every mind set that I know would help. Like, praying, reading my bible, talking to my husband, talking to my friends. I just shut down. I get so frustrated with myself. This time my shut down lasted over 2 days. I don't initially what started it this time, but I had plenty of things to keep me in it. I started obsessing about things that my husband was doing "wrong," instead of being concerned about what he was...

Okay, after being asked a couple days ago if I had thought about my future and what I want in the future, it's been on my mind, a lot!!! So, to be perfectly honest, I don't look too far in the future. I live for now. Not because the future scares me or anything of the sorts, but I just don't want to think about it. Unfortunately it's in my head and I know it's going to continue being in my head until I get it out. Okay, options; 1. Write a book. A children's book or an adult book. The adult book would be geared mostly towards writing about my marriage. (Haven't really thought about how I would do that, considering I still don't really want to talk about it.) Not really sure if anyone would read it, why mess with it? 2. Raise my kids into God - loving, caring adults. Okay, that's all I got. Why do I have a problem with goal setting?

The image above has been on my mind all week! I created it one night after laying awake thinking about how to make it for 3 hours. This has been evident in my life so much in this last few months. God knew when we needed to walk into our new home church. He knew when we needed to hear that we broke one of his Ten Commandments and what that meant in our marriage. He knew that our marriage was going to have to break before being put back together, and he knew the day that it was all going to happen. He knows all these things and has the timing worked out so that we may turn to him at those moments.  I have seen so many examples of God's Timing in my life and the lives of others and I know I'll see more!