BeautifullyBroken

Most of my life, change has scared me. Still to this day, change scares me. A friend sent this to me, so I got to thinking, why does change scare me so much? I think it's because I feel like I'm usually, on the "losing" end of that change. Although, change is going to happen, it's a fact of life. People come in and out, job changes, kids grow up, there's always change, which means always adjusting......... God asks us to " transform our mind ." (Romans 12:2) Transforming into actually being what God says for me to be, doing what he wants me to do, following his " good, pleasing, and perfect will ." (Romans 12:1) I think that it goes a step further than just transforming our minds, I think that we have to change our actions and our hearts. We have to believe God's word so much with our hearts and minds, that it automatically comes out in our actions. So, the question lies in "How do we train ourselves to do this?" I usuall...

During one of my classes this week, we were talking about being poor. Someone made the comment that children in the United States are not allowed to live in poverty with their parents. Short story, I did some correcting of this misconception and basically said that there are many reasons why children are put into foster care. That children can be put into foster care due to neglect, physical abuse and/or emotional abuse, along with our abuses. I opened up to this group and told them bits about my time in foster care. In that instant, they changed how they saw me. Someone made the comment, "I didn't know that about you."  I was worried about this for quite awhile. On one hand I was able to say, you don't know a person's situation, so treat every one that you come into contact with kindness and respect. You never know what has happened in their life, what they are fighting with in their life, their struggles, their daily living, abuse. People who seem th...

2015, I'm so glad you are over! That year was a year full of so many struggles, emotionally, physically, & spiritually! Seems like once I thought I might over come one, another one would hit me at full force. I really don't want to talk about that year anymore! I'm ready to look forward, hoping and praying that things will be so much different for me in 2016. That I will be able to accept changes in my life as a good thing, knowing that's God wants. That I willingly will make changes in my life! That I will give up control of my life to God & that I'll be okay with that. Sunday I'm going to sing the song, Touch the Sky , by Hillsong, during church. One line in this song is, "I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground." That's where I'm at right now, that's where 2015 was, I was on the ground, broken, not knowing what to do or where to go. Feeling like I could not do anything right! I struggled with relationships, with followin...

Grace : the word that has consumed mind a lot this past couple weeks. I think I finally can grasp the actually concept of the word, but trying to apply it and believe that it is true in my life is a totally different story. A lot of reason is probably because I don't think I really deserve to be offered grace, not with as much as I've screwed up. I'm one of those people that would rather work of all the bad stuff I have done, and not just "accept" God's grace. The best explanation I have every really heard of the word is "undeserved favor." NO ONE deserves grace, making it undeserved. We have to CHOOSE to accept it! This is one of my favorite songs. I love how it talks about grace. I think grace is such a complicated, confusing, crazy concept to think about. A man, Jesus, died on a cross to cover our sins. GRACE! He's not asking for anything in return, but our love and submission. Upon some research, (okay, you got me, more googling!)...

It's 3 a.m. I'm wide awake. Again. After the sermon yesterday I decided to kneel next to my bed and pray. I ask God to help me to stop doubting. There's not a specific thing so much that I doubt, I just doubt everything. I doubt, sometimes, if God is real. Okay, before you freak out, I know logically he's real. I see Him in so many people's lives. I've seen Him act in my life before, by the way that things just "work" out. The only problem with that is that I try to logically figure it out. I try to put the pieces all together, even when the only explanation is "that was God." I doubt my relationships with others. This might align with the whole jealousy thing, or it might align with my overthinking. I'm not good at relationships. I'm good on the surface, for the most part, but actual relationships, I question, a lot! From, did I say the wrong thing to I wonder why they are mad at me. (When they might not have had a chan...

So, I've took a little blogging vacation. Not that I wanted to, but I kind of decided that if I couldn't be positive, then I wasn't doing what God had intended me to do with my writing. This has been an eye opening, slap in the face kind of month or so.  Remember the roller coaster I have talked about getting off so many, many times? Well, again, I dipped low. I would hazard to say that it might have been the lowest I had ever been. Sometimes though, you have to hit that low point, the point where all you have is God. (Someone, who thinks they are pretty wise, has said this more then once!Haha!)  Much to say, struggling is an everyday process for me to overcome. But, I see hope, maybe even glimpses of peace in my life. I start to get extremely worried when I see this, or let myself feel it, because then I worry so much about what "might" happen next. What is going to happen that I'm going to make the wrong decision? Or, what is going to happen that will...

When do you just give in? I mean completely give in? When do you say "I surrender all" and really follow through and mean it. When do you say, "I'm sorry God, I will follow you now and forever." When do you stop being scared to death of the change that has to happen in your life? When do just jump in with both feet and stop wading in the shallow end? When do you take that leap of faith? When do you fully and completely trust God with everything? When does this scared feeling go away? When are you going to crave peace and hope more than being stuck in your old ways? What would happen if you did just give in? Why do you continue to struggle? Why are you on this path of tug of war with God? GIVE IN!!!! STOP Just getting your feet wet and dabbling in the shallow end!