Relationships SUCK!!!!!!! Well, maybe it's just me.
A few weeks ago my Aunt was in an accident, where a semi basically ran over her and her husband. They are both lucky to be alive, but the outcome of this accident is going to be the true test. My Aunt is going to have a long rough road ahead of her, not only physically, but emotionally. I'm sure she replays every moment from that day in her head a thousand times. She has already had nightmares regarding that horrific time!
A little background about my Aunt. She is the youngest of eight children, she has two kids, that she raised as a single parent. She has two grandchildren that adore her and she spoils any chance she can get. She has been a huge part of their lives, and wouldn't change that for anything. I think she's the funniest of all her siblings, she's great at cracking jokes. She is one of the most caring people that I know. She opened her home up to my husband and I when our oldest daughter was in the NICU for 5 months, I'll never be able to repay her for that. This accident is going to prove how strong and resilient she is, I have faith in that.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing about this is the other day I went to Iowa City to visit her in the hospital. I was prepared that it was going to be hard to see my Aunt laying in a bed, not able to move very well. I don't think you can prepare yourself to see anyone you care about lying in bed like that. I had just seen her a couple months before and she was perfectly normal. She was joking around with everyone, laughing, smiling and having a great time at our family reunion. She has a feeding tube and a pic line for medicine. Her legs are swollen from being bed-ridden. She had to have back surgery where they placed rods around her spine where some vertebrae were crushed. She's also had to have surgery on her shoulder to repair it. I can't imagine the amount of pain that she is in, but all she is taking right now is Tylenol. She had a semi run them over 16 days ago and all she's taking for pain is Tylenol? That's strong!
That day as I was sitting there visiting with her, I sat back and observed so many things. I watched how her daughter cared for her. When tears would start settling in my Aunt's eyes, my cousin would reach down and rub her legs, just to let her know that she was there for her. The care in her eyes was amazing, I can't imagine how overwhelmed she is right now with everything going on, but my cousin, who isn't even 30 yet, is standing tall and getting stuff done! Stuff from making sure her mom's bills are paid, to asking questions to the doctor's that are in and out of her mom's room.
During the morning we were asked to leave room for a bit, so my cousin and I sat out in waiting for a bit. A few minutes later, another one of my Aunt & Uncle's came in to wait with us. Watching them they amazed me. They sat right by each other and held hands off and on. The looks that they gave each other truly said, "I love you." I'm not sure how long they have been married, but I know it's got to be about as long as I've been alive. Their relationship just amazed me. They disprove my theory that the reason my relationship with my husband and I don't "act in love" is because we've been married for so long.
So, I wanted to do a blog with the title "Relationships Suck!" Now, let me clarify. This last couple months I have struggled not only with my marital relationship, but with relationships in general. Feeling like people that were supposed to be in my life were walking away from me. I was overthinking every move or word they would say. I got my feelings hurt way too easily and couldn't see past that. The roller coaster ride was going in full force, as much as I wanted off I couldn't see what was going on. I felt let down by God that all these relationships were going to "hell in a hand basket." But, I had started walking away from God. That is what all of that boiled down to........I was walking away....He wasn't.
But, what I have learned in the past few weeks is that the only, THE ONLY, relationship that matters is the one I have with God. If I don't focus on that relationship and keep my eyes on Him, all other relationships will suffer. So, how do I do that? Pretty sure I've addressed this in a previous blog, but here it is again (because I need it pounded into my head) PRAY, READ, WRITE.
PRAY continuously, READ as much as I can (but here's the kicker), I have to actually devote myself into what I am reading. I have to comprehend, I have to understand it, in order to do this, I have to research. Have you ever read some of the old testament (or even the new) and thought WHAT????? I do that a lot, and I'm not joking......there is so much that I don't understand.....at all. Which frustrates the crap out of me!!! Last, but not least, WRITE. To actually do devotions I don't think everyone needs to write, but this is me. I need to write so that I can get things out of my head that don't make sense in my head. If I write I can start to decipher what it is I'm thinking, or going through. Some is good, some is bad. I had a bad week one week and I literally took a notebook to the altar with me (with no one else in the sanctuary) I wrote down words and cried, anything that came to my head I wrote down. I think for me, writing is my form of therapy, pretty cheap therapy.
So, this whole blog boils down to relationships. Are there going to be times that people are going to hurt me or let me down? YES! Are there going to be times that I envy other's relationships? YES! My priorities has to be on God. He's the only one I can fully trust that He's not going to hurt me.
I'm pretty sure that day that I went to see my Aunt in the hospital, He opened my eyes to see how everyone interacted with each other. Maybe He was even thinking "See, this is what it could be like." I pray that one day I won't struggle with relationships, that my marriage is as good as what my Aunt and Uncle have. That I can get off this roller coaster. That I have joy and peace. I pray this for you too.
A little background about my Aunt. She is the youngest of eight children, she has two kids, that she raised as a single parent. She has two grandchildren that adore her and she spoils any chance she can get. She has been a huge part of their lives, and wouldn't change that for anything. I think she's the funniest of all her siblings, she's great at cracking jokes. She is one of the most caring people that I know. She opened her home up to my husband and I when our oldest daughter was in the NICU for 5 months, I'll never be able to repay her for that. This accident is going to prove how strong and resilient she is, I have faith in that.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing about this is the other day I went to Iowa City to visit her in the hospital. I was prepared that it was going to be hard to see my Aunt laying in a bed, not able to move very well. I don't think you can prepare yourself to see anyone you care about lying in bed like that. I had just seen her a couple months before and she was perfectly normal. She was joking around with everyone, laughing, smiling and having a great time at our family reunion. She has a feeding tube and a pic line for medicine. Her legs are swollen from being bed-ridden. She had to have back surgery where they placed rods around her spine where some vertebrae were crushed. She's also had to have surgery on her shoulder to repair it. I can't imagine the amount of pain that she is in, but all she is taking right now is Tylenol. She had a semi run them over 16 days ago and all she's taking for pain is Tylenol? That's strong!
That day as I was sitting there visiting with her, I sat back and observed so many things. I watched how her daughter cared for her. When tears would start settling in my Aunt's eyes, my cousin would reach down and rub her legs, just to let her know that she was there for her. The care in her eyes was amazing, I can't imagine how overwhelmed she is right now with everything going on, but my cousin, who isn't even 30 yet, is standing tall and getting stuff done! Stuff from making sure her mom's bills are paid, to asking questions to the doctor's that are in and out of her mom's room.
During the morning we were asked to leave room for a bit, so my cousin and I sat out in waiting for a bit. A few minutes later, another one of my Aunt & Uncle's came in to wait with us. Watching them they amazed me. They sat right by each other and held hands off and on. The looks that they gave each other truly said, "I love you." I'm not sure how long they have been married, but I know it's got to be about as long as I've been alive. Their relationship just amazed me. They disprove my theory that the reason my relationship with my husband and I don't "act in love" is because we've been married for so long.
So, I wanted to do a blog with the title "Relationships Suck!" Now, let me clarify. This last couple months I have struggled not only with my marital relationship, but with relationships in general. Feeling like people that were supposed to be in my life were walking away from me. I was overthinking every move or word they would say. I got my feelings hurt way too easily and couldn't see past that. The roller coaster ride was going in full force, as much as I wanted off I couldn't see what was going on. I felt let down by God that all these relationships were going to "hell in a hand basket." But, I had started walking away from God. That is what all of that boiled down to........I was walking away....He wasn't.
But, what I have learned in the past few weeks is that the only, THE ONLY, relationship that matters is the one I have with God. If I don't focus on that relationship and keep my eyes on Him, all other relationships will suffer. So, how do I do that? Pretty sure I've addressed this in a previous blog, but here it is again (because I need it pounded into my head) PRAY, READ, WRITE.
PRAY continuously, READ as much as I can (but here's the kicker), I have to actually devote myself into what I am reading. I have to comprehend, I have to understand it, in order to do this, I have to research. Have you ever read some of the old testament (or even the new) and thought WHAT????? I do that a lot, and I'm not joking......there is so much that I don't understand.....at all. Which frustrates the crap out of me!!! Last, but not least, WRITE. To actually do devotions I don't think everyone needs to write, but this is me. I need to write so that I can get things out of my head that don't make sense in my head. If I write I can start to decipher what it is I'm thinking, or going through. Some is good, some is bad. I had a bad week one week and I literally took a notebook to the altar with me (with no one else in the sanctuary) I wrote down words and cried, anything that came to my head I wrote down. I think for me, writing is my form of therapy, pretty cheap therapy.
So, this whole blog boils down to relationships. Are there going to be times that people are going to hurt me or let me down? YES! Are there going to be times that I envy other's relationships? YES! My priorities has to be on God. He's the only one I can fully trust that He's not going to hurt me.
I'm pretty sure that day that I went to see my Aunt in the hospital, He opened my eyes to see how everyone interacted with each other. Maybe He was even thinking "See, this is what it could be like." I pray that one day I won't struggle with relationships, that my marriage is as good as what my Aunt and Uncle have. That I can get off this roller coaster. That I have joy and peace. I pray this for you too.
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