I am a new Christian. I have many struggles that I am seeking to overcome, from my relationship with Christ to my marriage. I am using this blog to not only help me deal with and face some of my problems but also hopefully to help others!
If you grew up in a rough atmosphere, not the best relationships with your family it is so hard to figure out who you are in the eyes of God. This has been something I have struggled with for almost 4 years now. It's so hard to see God's wonderful grace, his mercy, his compassion, his total unconditional love. I've never experienced these types of things in my life, so how can God........... I try my hardest to show these things to my own kids so they never have to struggle in knowing what this all looks like. My prayer today is that I can see/feel/know/understand all these qualities from a God that I know through the bible loves me.
Do you ever look back and think, Why? What was I thinking? How could I have done that? Well, today I was on a trip with a good friend and she said something and all of a sudden, something that my Pastor has been saying for a while finally clicked. (Sometimes it takes a while for that to happen, and sometimes I have to hear it a lot. This was a great example of that.) I realized that the person that I had cheated on my husband with was a manipulator. Now, don't get me wrong, I had a lot to do with the affair. But, our relationship lasted off and on for over 20 years. He knew me better then I knew myself. He knew how to get what he wanted and to make me feel good about it. The question is, why did I wait until now to see it. I have a husband that loves me, that would never manipulate me, especially after all we've been through over these last months. He has changed. He is a new creation. But why can't I open up to him? Why am I scared to? Why have I closed myself off to h...
Comments
Post a Comment