Is this the Beginning or the End?
So, there's something I've been putting off for awhile now. My pastor got a book for me Mended, by Angie Smith. It has been such a great read because every time I opened to a new part, what I was reading pertained so much to what I was going through at that time! Well, I liked the book so much I didn't want to be done with it, but I finally finished it tonight. I had one part left. The title was, What Is Left? Shocker, again, it related to me!
Here is one of the parts that I need to hear -
"Lord Jesus, let me life bleed glory the way yours did. Let me not become so consumed with my circumstances that I miss the divine moments You have allowed for me. May my days exalt only You, Lord. May every word in this book remind women that they are the recipients of a love so wild that the world can't understand it."
I have struggle so much with week with letting my circumstances control everything!!! If you only knew, If I could only explain! The sentence that talked about love, another struggle. I constantly thinking, wonder, "How can God love me? How can He love someone that has screwed up so much? Why would He want to love me?" There are days that I struggle with the whole concept of Love anyways. God has put so many people in my life that genuinely care for and love me and I don't know how to handle it. (I know, hard to explain.) Okay, maybe this is better, "How can people that have known me less then a year care/love me so much? Why do they? I'm not good enough to deserve it." So, you see it's not just God's love, but other's love too. I really hope that makes sense. Maybe it just makes sense in my head. I think when you are broken, love is a hard concept. I feel like I'm getting there, it's just harder for me.
Then, later in the chapter,
"The light that breaks through the shards of brokenness and makes the world bright with promise. The glimpse of forever that whispers gently.....I have mended you, love."
I have to explain this one a little bit. Last week, during our small group lesson, one of the questions that was asked was, If you could ask God one thing what would it be. While everyone else was concerned about their kids and other things that made lots of sense, the first thing that popped in my head was "Am I going to be okay?" I didn't say it, because in my head, it sounded so selfish. I have a problem with seeing an end to all my struggles. That part in that book...........makes me tear up thinking about it. There's an end......patience.......Thank YOU Lord!
Here is one of the parts that I need to hear -
"Lord Jesus, let me life bleed glory the way yours did. Let me not become so consumed with my circumstances that I miss the divine moments You have allowed for me. May my days exalt only You, Lord. May every word in this book remind women that they are the recipients of a love so wild that the world can't understand it."
I have struggle so much with week with letting my circumstances control everything!!! If you only knew, If I could only explain! The sentence that talked about love, another struggle. I constantly thinking, wonder, "How can God love me? How can He love someone that has screwed up so much? Why would He want to love me?" There are days that I struggle with the whole concept of Love anyways. God has put so many people in my life that genuinely care for and love me and I don't know how to handle it. (I know, hard to explain.) Okay, maybe this is better, "How can people that have known me less then a year care/love me so much? Why do they? I'm not good enough to deserve it." So, you see it's not just God's love, but other's love too. I really hope that makes sense. Maybe it just makes sense in my head. I think when you are broken, love is a hard concept. I feel like I'm getting there, it's just harder for me.
Then, later in the chapter,
"The light that breaks through the shards of brokenness and makes the world bright with promise. The glimpse of forever that whispers gently.....I have mended you, love."
I have to explain this one a little bit. Last week, during our small group lesson, one of the questions that was asked was, If you could ask God one thing what would it be. While everyone else was concerned about their kids and other things that made lots of sense, the first thing that popped in my head was "Am I going to be okay?" I didn't say it, because in my head, it sounded so selfish. I have a problem with seeing an end to all my struggles. That part in that book...........makes me tear up thinking about it. There's an end......patience.......Thank YOU Lord!
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