A New Person


When am I going to get over it? I know, that's almost a loaded question. I have to figure out a way to move on. To let the past be exactly that, to let all my problems make me who I am, without affecting who I am. I have got to be a NEW person. I have got to be transformed. A person that I've never been before. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
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 Okay, I know I've said this all before. My problem has been the teetering back and forth on the ledge. Sometimes I'm okay with the change, other times I'm scared to death! I've had this same personality for such a long time, it's going to be a lot of work to change it.

So, the first thing I have to work on is not running away when I have a problem. I think this also includes not shutting out those that care for me. I remember whenever I would get into a fight with my mom, my instinct was to run away. This started when I was about 12. One time I remember running away, in the middle of the night, on my bike. As I was riding my bike in complete darkness to my dad's house my bike fell off the ledge of the road, resulting in my bike flipping over and ending me with in a cast and stitches in my head.

You would have thought that would have ended me running away. It didn't, I remember another time that my mom and I got into it and I pushed out the screen in my window and ran to my youth pastor's house a mile away. (I at least was a lot older.) I sat with him and his family for a while, prayed, then he called my mom and I went back. Nothing had changed, she didn't talk to me, ignored me, at least she stopped calling me names when I came back. I don't know, maybe I deserved it. I never felt loved.

I never felt loved. Wow! That opens up a whole new can of worms. That might be why I don't understand why God is still trying with me. Why would he not give up? Saying, she's not worth it? I've had so many people in my life like that. Why would He be any different? I don't understand why He keeps trying? Why?

Sorry, back to my original problem. Why do I run away? It's easier then dealing with the problems right then and there. By running away I let me emotions rein my life! So, I guess to fix it, I have to start thinking logical. Putting emotions on the back burner for a while. That is going to be a tough assignment.

How can I take all the "Have to's" that I have made and said, and actually apply it to my life? Prayer.......it's as simple as that.......right?

Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and  pleasing to God - this is true and proper worship. (2) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve God's will - his good, pleasing, and perfect will. 



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