Why?

Just when you get comfortable with life and how things are going, you get blind sided. Okay, well, I get blind sided. Yes, I know that part of it is that I get stuck into a routine and my stress level rises when my routine gets out of whack. I do know that's some of it. I'm trying to sort through all of my problems logically, trying to take emotion out of the equation. I feel like I have lost so many relationships over this past year, I absolutely cannot handle any more. I have cried so much in this past week I can't handle any more. I'm tired of being smacked over and over with crap.

I'm tired of putting my trust into people. There's a reason I don't trust people. I'm always let down. Too many times I've been let down.

I know logically that things happen for a reason, that things will work out, but my heart is breaking. My support system...............................

I know that I need to move on.

I have fought more then ever to not run away this week. I'm still playing out scenarios in my head. I absolutely know this is not an option for me. That does not stop the thoughts.

I know things have to change.

I feel betrayed, even though that is not the way it was meant to be. I just want to run and never look back.

Broken. The rug has been pulled out from underneath me.

I want to shut down. I want to not care about what has happened. I want to run away from everyone and everything, and God. Why would He let this happen? Why does He continue to ....................... Never mind.


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