Addiction

Some people, including me, have an addictive personality. I take everything above and beyond. If I enjoy something, it consumes my life.

This is the definition of addiction according to Merriam Webster online;
: a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble)
: an unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something

So, knowing the definition is great, but how do you stop the need to fulfill your addiction. My addiction was the affair, emotional connection I had with someone that wasn't my spouse. I actually thought that I was getting closer to being over it, but got blind sided by it the other night. I put myself too close to where I knew he was going to be. I was so tempted to just go by and see him. I had had a bad day, and he was always able to pull me out of it. So, I kept thinking, just for a minute. Just one hug. Wow! What was I thinking?!?! This is just as bad as a cigarette, alcohol addiction, "Just one more, what will that hurt?" 

1 Peter 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to DEVOUR.

"Be self-controlled and alert." That night I let my guard down. I let him in and was really close to letting the devil devour me. The alert part of that verse really got me. In other words, I am NEVER to put myself even close to that temptation. I feel like this is something I am always going to fight. I tend to forget that relationship was on again off again for over 20 years. It's going to be so hard to just let go.

I must change my focus, from my addiction to God. Romans 13:14 Rather clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh. 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Insignificant

Image
The world has drowned itself out, my worries, my anxiety, my brokenness, my overthinking, all submerged into the water as I lay on my back staring up at the black sky. A clear night like no other, I'm amazed at the stars that I can see, and yet don't dare to even began to count them. I pick out the Little Dipper, more because it's the only one I can really remember from school. The water is warm on this summer night as I lay as still as can be. I almost feel like I'm laying in a giant bathtub, but my part of body that isn't covered by water gets goosebumps, more to just remind me I'm outside.  It is so quiet, I can hear my heart beating, the sounds gives me comfort, in some strange way. The water in my ears drowns out everything else. Everything is so peaceful and calm, if only my heart was that way.  As I stop in the center of the pool, and relax as I've never relaxed before... I think about how insignificant I am. Who am I? In this world with billion
Read more

I AM A Child of God

Image
If you grew up in a rough atmosphere, not the best relationships with your family it is so hard to figure out who you are in the eyes of God. This has been something I have struggled with for almost 4 years now. It's so hard to see God's wonderful grace, his mercy, his compassion, his total unconditional love. I've never experienced these types of things in my life, so how can God........... I try my hardest to show these things to my own kids so they never have to struggle in knowing what this all looks like. My prayer today is that I can see/feel/know/understand all these qualities from a God that I know through the bible loves me.
Read more

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger???

Looking back on my life, this simple quote makes me think? What doesn't kill you makes you what? Stronger? Happier? More peaceful? Smarter? I feel like you can put anything at the end of this statement. My ending word has changed more times then I care to admit, as I suppose that yours has too. Having a micro-premie....."What doesn't kill you makes you smarter?" I learned so much for our 5 month hiatus in the NICU. I witnessed so many miracles. This was a time that in my life that I was the most scared, for my life and for my baby. If you have never seen what a 1 pound, 23 week baby looked like outside of the womb, you wouldn't get how amazing of a place any NICU is. I am so thankful for all that I learned through my first miracle. I'm so thankful that God gave me her to make me stronger!  Having not one, but two strokes..... "What doesn't kill you makes you anxious?" This one took me awhile to really come up with. There's a long story with
Read more