BeautifullyBroken

Grace : the word that has consumed mind a lot this past couple weeks. I think I finally can grasp the actually concept of the word, but trying to apply it and believe that it is true in my life is a totally different story. A lot of reason is probably because I don't think I really deserve to be offered grace, not with as much as I've screwed up. I'm one of those people that would rather work of all the bad stuff I have done, and not just "accept" God's grace. The best explanation I have every really heard of the word is "undeserved favor." NO ONE deserves grace, making it undeserved. We have to CHOOSE to accept it! This is one of my favorite songs. I love how it talks about grace. I think grace is such a complicated, confusing, crazy concept to think about. A man, Jesus, died on a cross to cover our sins. GRACE! He's not asking for anything in return, but our love and submission. Upon some research, (okay, you got me, more googling!)

It's 3 a.m. I'm wide awake. Again. After the sermon yesterday I decided to kneel next to my bed and pray. I ask God to help me to stop doubting. There's not a specific thing so much that I doubt, I just doubt everything. I doubt, sometimes, if God is real. Okay, before you freak out, I know logically he's real. I see Him in so many people's lives. I've seen Him act in my life before, by the way that things just "work" out. The only problem with that is that I try to logically figure it out. I try to put the pieces all together, even when the only explanation is "that was God." I doubt my relationships with others. This might align with the whole jealousy thing, or it might align with my overthinking. I'm not good at relationships. I'm good on the surface, for the most part, but actual relationships, I question, a lot! From, did I say the wrong thing to I wonder why they are mad at me. (When they might not have had a chan