Grace, it's sufficient for me?

Grace: the word that has consumed mind a lot this past couple weeks. I think I finally can grasp the actually concept of the word, but trying to apply it and believe that it is true in my life is a totally different story. A lot of reason is probably because I don't think I really deserve to be offered grace, not with as much as I've screwed up. I'm one of those people that would rather work of all the bad stuff I have done, and not just "accept" God's grace. The best explanation I have every really heard of the word is "undeserved favor." NO ONE deserves grace, making it undeserved. We have to CHOOSE to accept it!

This is one of my favorite songs. I love how it talks about grace. I think grace is such a complicated, confusing, crazy concept to think about. A man, Jesus, died on a cross to cover our sins. GRACE! He's not asking for anything in return, but our love and submission.

Upon some research, (okay, you got me, more googling!) brought about; 2 Corinthians 12:9  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly, about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

What does God's grace cover? Everything! For me in particular grace covers all my past sins, all my struggles, all the crap I have put my family through. Covers all the lies that happened around my marriage breaking down, covers all the hurt that I put onto others. Covers all my doubt, all my jealousy, all my bad habits, all my hurts, and so much more. I couldn't even begin to label everything off the I have done wrong in my life. 

I hope that grace also covers my struggles that I'm currently fighting through now. I think that it does, as long as I'm aware that I to change. Changing that thing that God is trying to change in me. God has been showing me this daily. I absolutely hate change, I fear change, I always am waiting for the other shoe to drop, I'm always waiting to get hurt. This has been my life for so long, 

I know that God wants to me change, He wants me to be happy, but all of that change scares me so very much. It's going to take so much prayer, and changing my ways & thinking, that I get stressed thinking about it. I've been told today that I need to have "confidence in who I am through Jesus." Confidence is something I have never, ever been good at. I overthink everything that comes out of my mouth, every action that I make. I want God to use me, but in order to do that I have to change. I have to become "a new creation."  

God's grace can break every chain that has kept me from knowing Him, from knowing and loving Him, from letting Him love me, from letting others love me, from loving myself........... 

Now, that I know what this all means for me and my life, I have to actually "let" Him break these chains. I have to give in. I know I say this all the time, I keep praying that I will eventually get to this point of total surrender to His will. It's such a daily struggle that sometimes feels so overwhelming. My hope is that with each little step I can feel closer than before. 

As I was researching how to explain grace I found this clip that explains grace a little better. (If you ever have time look the Skit Guys up on You tube, they are very funny and they always have a great message. 

"What I did on the cross was meant to take what is unforgivable and make it forgivable, that's My grace. It's not about you, it's always about Me, that's grace." 

That quote from the skit says it all. 

I am so thankful that God has put some amazing friends in my life. Friends that keep my accountable, friends that know how to cheer me up, friends that have loved me through this past year. I'm thankful for a husband who has stayed by my side when I have shut him out so much in this past year and not been a very good wife. I am thankful that God has blessed me with 4 awesome kids, each one a miracle! I am thankful for my life, which I should have lost more than once. More than anything I am thankful for a God that is so patient with me, waiting on me to say, "Okay, God, it's all You!" I'm so thankful that He loves me more than I can every imagine or fathom. He loves me and you enough that He sent His only son to die on a cross for our sins. Thank you God!