God is Always There......Even When I Didn't Know It

During one of my classes this week, we were talking about being poor. Someone made the comment that children in the United States are not allowed to live in poverty with their parents. Short story, I did some correcting of this misconception and basically said that there are many reasons why children are put into foster care. That children can be put into foster care due to neglect, physical abuse and/or emotional abuse, along with our abuses. I opened up to this group and told them bits about my time in foster care. In that instant, they changed how they saw me. Someone made the comment, "I didn't know that about you." 

I was worried about this for quite awhile. On one hand I was able to say, you don't know a person's situation, so treat every one that you come into contact with kindness and respect. You never know what has happened in their life, what they are fighting with in their life, their struggles, their daily living, abuse. People who seem the strongest breakdown behind every smile. Always be kind. I hope that by me sharing this with them, that they will remember these things. That they will give that stranger a kind word, that they will go out of their way to show love and compassion.

On the other hand, I never want anyone to feel sorry for me. I told them that I wouldn't change anything about my past. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for my past. My past made me who I am today. I try not to blame my past for the stupid decisions I've made this past ten years, but I know that seeps in. Memories seep into the dark crevices, even today. Memories of stupid decisions, wrong decisions.

The middle school years are the most difficult and the most challenging. During these years you are trying to find yourself and develop into the person that you want to be. You are trying to figure out who you are.  I thank God that the foster parents that I ended up with were devote Christians. They were such great role models, with the faith to "move mountains." They genuinely cared for my sister and I. That whole situation could have been so bad for us, but God used it. The time with them left an imprint on me and my personality. They set a great example of how to love others, even in the midst of trouble.

Upon choosing to return home from foster care, I ran away quite a few times. As much as I wanted to be back home for my younger brothers and sisters, I wished that I could have been back with my foster parents, where I knew that I was loved. I struggled with this concept for quite awhile. Well, I sort of still struggle with it, but that's another blog.

I've been reading a book, called, Who Do You Think You are? By Mark Driscoll. There's a chapter that talks about Christians going through affliction.  There was a part that stood out for me in it; "we learn to better love and appreciate those who serve us. We discover how deep some people's love for us truly is when we are hurting, needy, and inconvenient. Those who reflect the character of Jesus to us most clearly become the greatest gives in seasons of suffering."

As I look back and dwell on my life experiences growing up I can see where God was. The people that He put in my life, that fit the above quote. How He is still putting people in my life that truly love me and reflect the love of Jesus. You know who you are, Thank You!!!