Insignificant

Image result for summer night sky full of starsThe world has drowned itself out, my worries, my anxiety, my brokenness, my overthinking, all submerged into the water as I lay on my back staring up at the black sky. A clear night like no other, I'm amazed at the stars that I can see, and yet don't dare to even began to count them. I pick out the Little Dipper, more because it's the only one I can really remember from school.

The water is warm on this summer night as I lay as still as can be. I almost feel like I'm laying in a giant bathtub, but my part of body that isn't covered by water gets goosebumps, more to just remind me I'm outside. 

It is so quiet, I can hear my heart beating, the sounds gives me comfort, in some strange way. The water in my ears drowns out everything else. Everything is so peaceful and calm, if only my heart was that way. 

As I stop in the center of the pool, and relax as I've never relaxed before... I think about how insignificant I am. Who am I? In this world with billions of people, in the U.S. with millions of people, in Iowa with a few million people, in my county with a few thousand people....WHO AM I? 

The stars stare back at me as I wait for an answer, one that they don't come up with. I pray, God, please help me to understand who I am? What am I doing here? Why am I here? Is this where you want me to be? 

As my mind continues on this downward spiral, my heart aches more and more. I try to talk myself out of it, but my thoughts have become the water. So numerous that they consume me. 

I quietly walk out of the water, leaving it there. Even if it's just for now, everything is in the water. All my doubts, all my failures, everything..... in the water. 

I pray now, Lord, please let me hear you. I want to know that I am loved. I want to be who YOU want me to be. I know I have fallen so short of what you wanted me to be. I am so sorry. Please give me peace. Please stop this anxiety that I feel. Please show me how you love me. 

As I lay in bed, the song "Come to the Table" starts singing in my head. Is it God "talking" to me? Is He just waiting for me to come to Him? It should be as simple as that, and guess what? It is. 


"Take your place beside the Savior now

Sit down and be set free
Come to the table"

I smile, now knowing, that in fact, God put that song in my head for a reason. I needed to hear it. I needed the reassurance that all I have to do is "sit down and be set free." 

Image result for brokenness images waterNow my prayer is that all those anxieties, my brokenness, all those negative thoughts, all those things that I've done wrong, that they stay in the water, because I have come to the table and I have been forgiven. 





A random thought, I've always loved water. I love being in a pool, I love the ocean. If I look at this now as that the water is holding all of the bad stuff about me, does this change my love for water, or make it stronger? Water is a cleansing agent, maybe I should view it that water has washed away all the sins, brokenness, everything. I am made new! 

Comments

  1. I'm not sure how long it will take you to figure out this is here. Whatever you go through doesn't last forever. You have a gift that others need...you have influence...you are enough.... you are loved...you do matter.... you do make a difference in the life of others. Yes you are tiny but even the smallest piece is significant. -my grammar might give me away...lol

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