BeautifullyBroken

If you grew up in a rough atmosphere, not the best relationships with your family it is so hard to figure out who you are in the eyes of God. This has been something I have struggled with for almost 4 years now. It's so hard to see God's wonderful grace, his mercy, his compassion, his total unconditional love. I've never experienced these types of things in my life, so how can God........... I try my hardest to show these things to my own kids so they never have to struggle in knowing what this all looks like. My prayer today is that I can see/feel/know/understand all these qualities from a God that I know through the bible loves me.

I had one of the best experiences at church last Friday, an experience that I hope that I will never forget. I'll start at the beginning.... Saturday we had a teen quiz scheduled about 2.5 hours away, so we decided just to have a sleepover at church so parents didn't have to come into town super early. There's only one boy in the team, my son, so he decided to sleep at home and come with his dad the next morning. So, I said I'd stay with the girls. Seven girls. Seven pre-teen and teen girls. Well, they practiced for the quiz until about 10, then they played around for quite awhile. I was able to get some work done, so I just let them run around and play around until 11:45. I decided that I should go down to the teen room and tell them to start getting calmed down and ready for bed. My hope was to at least get 6 hours of sleep. My hope. I opened the door to the teen room to witness all of the girls crying. Yep, who would figure? They seriously were just runni

“In the stillness, I will find you.” He whispers in my ear. I sit and listen, as I feel lost and lonely in this world. I yearn to know that He is with me, even through all the struggles, even when my heart is breaking.  I listen intently, I hear the birds chirping and the stillness. I see life all around me, from the green leaves to the beautifully blooming iris.  Peace comes over me, unexplainable peace. I want to wallow in its goodness, in the stillness. I feel the breeze different then before, more like my favorite blanket covering me up for a midday nap. God says, “I’ll always be with you.” I’m learning to listen. To listen intently to the voice of God. I’ve always wondered how others can “hear” Him so plainly. It took me taking out all the “noise” of this world to finally hear him.  Persevere. Never give up searching for the One who is always there.  This song  seems to fit my blog. Hope everyone is having a peace-filled day! https://www.youtube.com/watc

When your heart is breaking and you don't know where to turn..... Jesus says ..... Come to me ..... I know you are hurting Have you ever been so hurt? So heartbroken you just want to shut the world out? You don't feel like you can function normally? You are so far past gone you only see the "I can't's" in life. In every day motions? It's been a long week for me....and tonight I am feeling totally heartbroken. Like my heart is ripped out of my chest. It's due to my own stupid choices. I know this. I know it is not God's fault, but last weekend I drove around and talked to God for about 10 minutes. I yelled at him, asked him why I'm in this situation. Why I'm still facing the same problems over and over. I didn't get an answer, but I felt better for a little bit. So, now tonight, I have cried my heart out. I can't do anything else about it all except for to cry. I hate when I get to this point. I've been asked, "Ar

I have struggled for a very long time on finding peace in my life. Looking at my past, when I do find it, it's from the wrong places. From places that I know are against God's will.  Now, I know that I am supposed to find peace in Jesus Christ. That's my head knowledge. But, it's a long road from my brain to my heart. (Side note, this applies to many areas of my life!) My church has been praying together corporately for awhile now every Thursday night. Unfortunately, it's not very well attended, but this last few Thursdays I have been here for that hour.  Now, if you know me at all, you know this might be the most uncomfortable thing for me. I can sing on the Praise Team and I'm okay with that, but there's something about praying out loud that I get very self-conscious about. When I'm in that environment I have this personal struggle in my head that I must pray out, and I don't, because it won't be "good enough," or

So, recently, we have had a conversation at church regarding being honest with those around you. How our church family is supposed to be just that! Family! I know what you are thinking. We are Christian, we should be different. Just because of that though, it doesn't stop the world problems from coming through. How many times have you been at church, and talked about someone behind their back? Or, thought negative thoughts about them? Or, judged them? It's so easy to do and you can get trapped in that very quickly. I've done it so many times. So the question lies in that we have to figure out how to get past these issues, and trust, really trust, that everyone is part of yours/my church family. Most people including myself, have not had that great of experiences regarding family. So, to say that I have trust issues might be a bit of an understatement. Trust is such an essential thing in any relationship. This can make or break any relationship. There's only been a

When I gaze at the stars, I fall more in love I have to believe that You are there My heart breaks When I think about all I've done. How could I be forgiven? How could you possible? Why would I? Why would I keep going back? I've done the unthinkable The unforgivable. Stop trying to pursue me. I deserve to be punished. I deserve to die. The hurts I've caused people, If only they knew. It's so  hard to ignore my feelings, To do what is right Not what makes me feel happy, what makes me feel the best. I keep praying that if I stop If I do what is right That what you have planned will shine through But, when? How long do I have to wait? Will the blessings ever come? I want to hear you, When I look at the stars I want you to whisper to me, "I love you I died for you Unconditionally Not if...... I will always love you unconditionally But, YOU have to CHOOSE You have to CHOOSE ME!!!"