Trust & Faith, Common Denominators?
So, recently, we have had a conversation at church regarding being honest with those around you. How our church family is supposed to be just that! Family!
I know what you are thinking.
We are Christian, we should be different. Just because of that though, it doesn't stop the world problems from coming through. How many times have you been at church, and talked about someone behind their back? Or, thought negative thoughts about them? Or, judged them? It's so easy to do and you can get trapped in that very quickly. I've done it so many times. So the question lies in that we have to figure out how to get past these issues, and trust, really trust, that everyone is part of yours/my church family.
Most people including myself, have not had that great of experiences regarding family. So, to say that I have trust issues might be a bit of an understatement. Trust is such an essential thing in any relationship. This can make or break any relationship. There's only been a couple people in my life that I have fully trusted.
Breaking Trust = Breaking Hearts
I've been through so much hurt in my life, it's so much easier to avoid trusting people then letting them break my heart. But, in the words of my friend, "How's that worked out for you?' Well, not so well.
Not trusting people = Not being close to anyone
Well, that sucks......so let's see....you mean to tell me that in order to have the relationships that God wants us to have........and take the risk of actually "loving" others........I have to trust these people.................
Recently, I have been called out on my faith. Someone told me that I'm lacking in faith, much to say I can't dispute that. I'm not exactly sure either. I don't know if I've just never had it, if it's just the way I am, or if it goes back to this trust issue. In order to have faith in someone, you do have to trust in said "someone." I feel like I have been let down so many times, and instead of seeing the bigger picture that God has for me, I stop trusting and caring. I shut down. Which is where I am right now, trying my very best to not seclude myself and shut down..........
Anyways, I know I'm kind of sliding off topic from where I started. This is how my brain works, bouncing around from one subject to another. Definitely, not where I expected this to go, so bear with me.
So, my messed up childhood pretty much left me with feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, no self-worth, never being good enough, and definitely not trusting anyone. As I got older those feelings never fully went away. I never learned how to truly turn to God. How to forgive myself, how to actually let others love me, and trust them. How to trust God and how to let Him love me, because I've messed up so much I definitely don't deserve and shouldn't have that love.
I'm at a point in my life that I fear I will never be okay. I will never have peace and I will never experience true joy. I've had moments in my life that I've experienced those things for a moment, but then, the wind blows and it's gone. (Or more like I do something to screw it up.)
I know what you are thinking.
We are Christian, we should be different. Just because of that though, it doesn't stop the world problems from coming through. How many times have you been at church, and talked about someone behind their back? Or, thought negative thoughts about them? Or, judged them? It's so easy to do and you can get trapped in that very quickly. I've done it so many times. So the question lies in that we have to figure out how to get past these issues, and trust, really trust, that everyone is part of yours/my church family.
Most people including myself, have not had that great of experiences regarding family. So, to say that I have trust issues might be a bit of an understatement. Trust is such an essential thing in any relationship. This can make or break any relationship. There's only been a couple people in my life that I have fully trusted.
Breaking Trust = Breaking Hearts
I've been through so much hurt in my life, it's so much easier to avoid trusting people then letting them break my heart. But, in the words of my friend, "How's that worked out for you?' Well, not so well.
Not trusting people = Not being close to anyone
Well, that sucks......so let's see....you mean to tell me that in order to have the relationships that God wants us to have........and take the risk of actually "loving" others........I have to trust these people.................
Recently, I have been called out on my faith. Someone told me that I'm lacking in faith, much to say I can't dispute that. I'm not exactly sure either. I don't know if I've just never had it, if it's just the way I am, or if it goes back to this trust issue. In order to have faith in someone, you do have to trust in said "someone." I feel like I have been let down so many times, and instead of seeing the bigger picture that God has for me, I stop trusting and caring. I shut down. Which is where I am right now, trying my very best to not seclude myself and shut down..........
Anyways, I know I'm kind of sliding off topic from where I started. This is how my brain works, bouncing around from one subject to another. Definitely, not where I expected this to go, so bear with me.
So, my messed up childhood pretty much left me with feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, no self-worth, never being good enough, and definitely not trusting anyone. As I got older those feelings never fully went away. I never learned how to truly turn to God. How to forgive myself, how to actually let others love me, and trust them. How to trust God and how to let Him love me, because I've messed up so much I definitely don't deserve and shouldn't have that love.
I'm at a point in my life that I fear I will never be okay. I will never have peace and I will never experience true joy. I've had moments in my life that I've experienced those things for a moment, but then, the wind blows and it's gone. (Or more like I do something to screw it up.)
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