BeautifullyBroken

I have struggled for a very long time on finding peace in my life. Looking at my past, when I do find it, it's from the wrong places. From places that I know are against God's will.  Now, I know that I am supposed to find peace in Jesus Christ. That's my head knowledge. But, it's a long road from my brain to my heart. (Side note, this applies to many areas of my life!) My church has been praying together corporately for awhile now every Thursday night. Unfortunately, it's not very well attended, but this last few Thursdays I have been here for that hour.  Now, if you know me at all, you know this might be the most uncomfortable thing for me. I can sing on the Praise Team and I'm okay with that, but there's something about praying out loud that I get very self-conscious about. When I'm in that environment I have this personal struggle in my head that I must pray out, and I don't, because it won't be "good enough," or...

So, recently, we have had a conversation at church regarding being honest with those around you. How our church family is supposed to be just that! Family! I know what you are thinking. We are Christian, we should be different. Just because of that though, it doesn't stop the world problems from coming through. How many times have you been at church, and talked about someone behind their back? Or, thought negative thoughts about them? Or, judged them? It's so easy to do and you can get trapped in that very quickly. I've done it so many times. So the question lies in that we have to figure out how to get past these issues, and trust, really trust, that everyone is part of yours/my church family. Most people including myself, have not had that great of experiences regarding family. So, to say that I have trust issues might be a bit of an understatement. Trust is such an essential thing in any relationship. This can make or break any relationship. There's only been a...

When I gaze at the stars, I fall more in love I have to believe that You are there My heart breaks When I think about all I've done. How could I be forgiven? How could you possible? Why would I? Why would I keep going back? I've done the unthinkable The unforgivable. Stop trying to pursue me. I deserve to be punished. I deserve to die. The hurts I've caused people, If only they knew. It's so  hard to ignore my feelings, To do what is right Not what makes me feel happy, what makes me feel the best. I keep praying that if I stop If I do what is right That what you have planned will shine through But, when? How long do I have to wait? Will the blessings ever come? I want to hear you, When I look at the stars I want you to whisper to me, "I love you I died for you Unconditionally Not if...... I will always love you unconditionally But, YOU have to CHOOSE You have to CHOOSE ME!!!"

I see the stars in the sky, And I wonder...... How can You know me? How can You love me? How can You have been with me? I see the stars  And I wonder What makes me so special that You’d want to know me? Why would You love me? Why would You want to stay with me? I see the stars  I am so small Why do I matter? Why am I here? But,  You still love me You still want me to love you To worship You To love others   You are there for me,  in the stars In my kids,  In a song that speaks to me In a gentle breeze In the sunset You are there  You love me Unconditionally.   Always  With grace  Grace more than every star in the sky You love me more than the stars  All the stars in the sky 🌟 ⭐️ 🌟 ⭐️ 🌟 ⭐️ 🌟 ⭐️ 🌟 ⭐️ 🌟 

I was practicing this song today,  Thy Will  ,and ended up in tears. I'm not quite sure how this happened, exactly why it was so upsetting to me. I struggle daily with submitting my life completely to the Lord, and saying the phrase, "Thy will be done," and submission go hand in hand. This is reflected in Romans 12:2. Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will.   So, this raises a couple questions, "Why is this so hard for me?" and "Why did it upset me so?" "Transforming my mind" basically to me means a huge attitude check. Am I following what God wants me to? Or, am I following my human instinct? Am I transforming into a Jesus follower? Or, am I going after "worldly" desires? Is my heart following God's desires? Or, am I following what feels good at the moment? Jesus says...

I thought I'd share this with everyone. I wrote this one of those nights I was awake for hours in the middle of the night. That's usually when my mind works the best! It was before Easter and I started thinking about how people must've felt watching Jesus' crucifixion . So, this is wrote from the point of view of people , then God, then Jesus in Heaven. I've never actually wrote a poem before, so this has been a learning experience! Let me know what you think! How it must’ve felt  To watch you suffer To know that you came to save me Yet died so violently. How it must’ve felt  To see you hurting Knowing there was nothing I could do Knowing I should be there, too How it must’ve felt When you drew your final breath Knowing what I’ve done Instantly feeling regret How it must’ve felt To have to turn away To not watch my son Bear all the pain How You must feel  watching us sin  Loving us more than life But giving up w...

Most of my life, change has scared me. Still to this day, change scares me. A friend sent this to me, so I got to thinking, why does change scare me so much? I think it's because I feel like I'm usually, on the "losing" end of that change. Although, change is going to happen, it's a fact of life. People come in and out, job changes, kids grow up, there's always change, which means always adjusting......... God asks us to " transform our mind ." (Romans 12:2) Transforming into actually being what God says for me to be, doing what he wants me to do, following his " good, pleasing, and perfect will ." (Romans 12:1) I think that it goes a step further than just transforming our minds, I think that we have to change our actions and our hearts. We have to believe God's word so much with our hearts and minds, that it automatically comes out in our actions. So, the question lies in "How do we train ourselves to do this?" I usuall...