BeautifullyBroken

So, I've took a little blogging vacation. Not that I wanted to, but I kind of decided that if I couldn't be positive, then I wasn't doing what God had intended me to do with my writing. This has been an eye opening, slap in the face kind of month or so.  Remember the roller coaster I have talked about getting off so many, many times? Well, again, I dipped low. I would hazard to say that it might have been the lowest I had ever been. Sometimes though, you have to hit that low point, the point where all you have is God. (Someone, who thinks they are pretty wise, has said this more then once!Haha!)  Much to say, struggling is an everyday process for me to overcome. But, I see hope, maybe even glimpses of peace in my life. I start to get extremely worried when I see this, or let myself feel it, because then I worry so much about what "might" happen next. What is going to happen that I'm going to make the wrong decision? Or, what is going to happen that will...

When do you just give in? I mean completely give in? When do you say "I surrender all" and really follow through and mean it. When do you say, "I'm sorry God, I will follow you now and forever." When do you stop being scared to death of the change that has to happen in your life? When do just jump in with both feet and stop wading in the shallow end? When do you take that leap of faith? When do you fully and completely trust God with everything? When does this scared feeling go away? When are you going to crave peace and hope more than being stuck in your old ways? What would happen if you did just give in? Why do you continue to struggle? Why are you on this path of tug of war with God? GIVE IN!!!! STOP Just getting your feet wet and dabbling in the shallow end!

A few weeks ago my Aunt was in an accident, where a semi basically ran over her and her husband. They are both lucky to be alive, but the outcome of this accident is  going to be the true test. My Aunt is going to have a long rough road ahead of her, not only physically, but emotionally. I'm sure she replays every moment from that day in her head a thousand times. She has already had nightmares regarding that horrific time! A little background about my Aunt. She is the youngest of eight children, she has two kids, that she raised as a single parent. She has two grandchildren that adore her and she spoils any chance she can get. She has been a huge part of their lives, and wouldn't change that for anything. I think she's the funniest of all her siblings, she's great at cracking jokes. She is one of the most caring people that I know. She opened her home up to my husband and I when our oldest daughter was in the NICU for 5 months, I'll never be able to repay her for...

Have you ever felt the raindrops when the stars are shining? Have you ever felt God's grace when you are dumpster diving? Do you wonder if He's still there, even though you can't feel Him? Are you still running with no where to go? You have a place to go, you just don't see it. You don't want it. You haven't had things that simple, you refuse to let it be. Turn to Him now! Stop your daydreaming, Remember He promised to give you rest, turn to Him now, He's waiting. Submit everything, He has it now. Those raindrops that are falling? They are to remind you He's still there, waiting. You can't see the clouds, He's protecting you from them. Stop doubting His presence! Why do you still doubt His promises? Has he not revealed Himself to you in the stars? In the moon? In the way the earth revolves around the sun? Believe in His promises. Believe and live your life for Him.

This week has been full of Vacation Bible School! If you ever need to find some energy or joy in your life spend a week with almost 50 kids!!! When a child smiles at you, you can't help but smile back. When a kid comes running up to you and gives you a great big hug, you can't help but feel loved and you want to do anything possible to make that child feel loved. I learned a lot this week. I know that VBS is supposed to be about teaching children verses and stories from the bible, but I learned so much this week! I learned to have a great deal of patience, sometimes it was okay that things didn't go as I had planned them! I learned to just go with the flow. I learned to smile, even though my heart was aching on the inside. Sometimes that smile not only helps you, but makes someone's else's life just a little better. I learned that everything that happens in life is due to God! Everything! One year ago I stepped foot into this church, unsure of my life. I stepp...

So, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about, so I'll just see where this goes. Our church is doing this daily reading program, trying to read the bible in a year. Well, much to say, I'm not fond of doing it, for many reasons. (I know, I really shouldn't be like that!) Well, tonight, I actually found myself reading ahead!!! It almost makes me smile in knowing why I did! There's even tears in my eyes knowing that God was talking to me tonight while I was reading. HE ACTUALLY CARES about me! (I'm still not sure why, I think, as tears roll down my face! I'm not deserving enough! But that's a conversation for another day!) We are in the book of Acts. It's talking about Paul. Okay, from what I know about Paul, he went through so much! He sinned, a lot! He hunted down Christians! Then God turned Paul around. In chapter 26, (One chapter farther then I was supposed to read tonight!) Paul talks about when/what Jesus told him to do, making him ...

Well, I almost hate to say this....because I'll probably come down later....but I've had a few good days in a row!! I'm worried because usually I can do this for awhile, but then I hit a wall, and everything comes crashing down on me. But I'm hoping that I'll "choose differently and think differently" when those walls start closing in on me. Towards the end of this week I woke up and decided that I was going to have a better day. So I wrote two things on my hand, "Think Differently and Focus on God." Ever since then I have kept writing those statements on my hand. Now, the focus on God part is pretty self-explanatory. The "Think differently" might require some explanation. My pastor told me this awhile ago and it didn't really stick with me until this week. Basically, the way I was thinking before I was saved, before I made the choice to become a follower of Christ was wrong. My focus was on myself and my own wants/desires. Now,...