Need???????

There has been something on my mind for a few days now. My pastor actually brought up a point that scares the crap out of me. Didn't even realize it until he said it and my reaction was a sign that I might have a problem with it. We were talking about my marriage and how I had to accept that fact that I might "need" my husband. You see, this scares the crap out of me, for many reasons. The first one is I have done this (being a mom, wife, etc.) pretty much on my own for most of our marriage (almost 18 years). The second reason is, last time I "needed" him he let me down. I don't want to go through that hurt again!! I've been let down by so many people in my life, which in turn has me basically putting up a barrier for others to have to try to cross. 

The definition of need is, requires (something) because it is essential or very important. Like water, food, sleep (which is lacking currently) but my husband? Okay, I guess I could put him under the "very important" but "essential." I don't know about that. Yes, he's a good father, and he's becoming a better husband, but there's my barrier! So, I guess that it's just going to take time........Relying on him isnt's the easiest thing for me to do. It's so much easier to just do it myself, less arguing, I know it's done, I know it's done right......Yep, I have a control problem. Yikes!!!! Hmmmm.........the things that I can over think about!!!!!