Completely surrender.....change.....blessings?




As I find myself looking at an e-mail that got sent to me and a few of the sentences are sticking out to me. It's well after midnight, and I can't help but dwell on those sentences. "God wants to change me and bless me." It's hard for my first response not to be "Why? Why does He care? What difference will it make? Why am I so important? Just let me stay in the background, where I've been my whole life!" WHY!!!!?????

I'm struggling so much.........................

Another sentence that stuck out to me out of that same e-mail was "It will take your complete surrender in His will to get there." (This followed first sentence!) What does that mean? Haven't I changed more then enough? Probably not. I suppose that there's going to be constant change.

Great, just what makes me happy.........CHANGE!!! Seriously?

So, the church is doing this daily reading challenge to read the bible in a year. We are in the book of Job. Job goes through so many trials and never turns away from God!!! NEVER! As many bad things as Job goes through He still gives thanks to God. Job still trusts Him, He never rebukes Him. I can't imagine going through everything that Job is put through and still saying God loves me. I have a hard enough time saying that and I've not went through anything compared to what Job has went through.

Why is it so hard for me to give into that love? Sorry, random thought........

Anyways, back to my struggle with surrendering everything. There's a part in Job that caught my eye, maybe I need memorize it, use it, practice it........I don't know......fill in the blank with what ever.......... Here it is:

Surrender Your Heart to God Job 11:13-19 Surrender your heart to God, turn to him in prayer, and give up your sins-even those you do in secret. Then you won't be ashamed: you will be confident and fearless. Your troubles will go away like water beneath a bridge, and your darkest night will be brighter than noon. You will rest safe and secure, filled with hope and emptied of worry. You will sleep without fear and be greatly respected. 

 My question is "Is this what is meant by completely surrendering?" I like this scripture. I can relate to it! I'm so ashamed..........I feel like I drown in my troubles........worry consumes me.........I would love to sleep without fear.........

Dear Lord,
Thank you for all the blessings you have put in my life! They are too numerous to name, but you know those closest to my heart. I am so sorry that I have struggled so much with this complete surrender. I'm sorry for not trusting you. I'm sorry for doubting your love for me. I don't want to keep turning away from you. I want to try to stay focused. Help me be okay with the change. Please let me know that everything is going to be okay. I worry so much about so many different things in my life, from my own problems to everyone else's. Please be with me tonight as I sleep and help me to be fearless. Please let me feel Your love..........................In Your blessed name I pray, Amen.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Insignificant

Image
The world has drowned itself out, my worries, my anxiety, my brokenness, my overthinking, all submerged into the water as I lay on my back staring up at the black sky. A clear night like no other, I'm amazed at the stars that I can see, and yet don't dare to even began to count them. I pick out the Little Dipper, more because it's the only one I can really remember from school. The water is warm on this summer night as I lay as still as can be. I almost feel like I'm laying in a giant bathtub, but my part of body that isn't covered by water gets goosebumps, more to just remind me I'm outside.  It is so quiet, I can hear my heart beating, the sounds gives me comfort, in some strange way. The water in my ears drowns out everything else. Everything is so peaceful and calm, if only my heart was that way.  As I stop in the center of the pool, and relax as I've never relaxed before... I think about how insignificant I am. Who am I? In this world with billion
Read more

I AM A Child of God

Image
If you grew up in a rough atmosphere, not the best relationships with your family it is so hard to figure out who you are in the eyes of God. This has been something I have struggled with for almost 4 years now. It's so hard to see God's wonderful grace, his mercy, his compassion, his total unconditional love. I've never experienced these types of things in my life, so how can God........... I try my hardest to show these things to my own kids so they never have to struggle in knowing what this all looks like. My prayer today is that I can see/feel/know/understand all these qualities from a God that I know through the bible loves me.
Read more

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger???

Looking back on my life, this simple quote makes me think? What doesn't kill you makes you what? Stronger? Happier? More peaceful? Smarter? I feel like you can put anything at the end of this statement. My ending word has changed more times then I care to admit, as I suppose that yours has too. Having a micro-premie....."What doesn't kill you makes you smarter?" I learned so much for our 5 month hiatus in the NICU. I witnessed so many miracles. This was a time that in my life that I was the most scared, for my life and for my baby. If you have never seen what a 1 pound, 23 week baby looked like outside of the womb, you wouldn't get how amazing of a place any NICU is. I am so thankful for all that I learned through my first miracle. I'm so thankful that God gave me her to make me stronger!  Having not one, but two strokes..... "What doesn't kill you makes you anxious?" This one took me awhile to really come up with. There's a long story with
Read more