Blessings

November 26, 2014

What a day! Wait, maybe it’s just been this whole week?!  There’s an emotional roller coaster going on inside me. Holidays usually bring a ton of feelings on me all at once. My family is one of great turmoil. Being the oldest, I feel like it’s my job to try to keep the peace and make everyone happy. I have had the responsibility of my younger brother and sisters for many years. One of my siblings refuses to speak to our mother, and really has nothing to do with other family members, except me. 

Well, I wanted to try to have everyone together for Thanksgiving. Much to say my feelings got hurt along with one of my sisters’ feelings. It ended the day in tears for me, where I locked myself in my room, went to bed crying. It was brought to my attention, by doing that that I let the devil win. I should have used that opportunity to praise God, and Thank Him for giving me another day to breathe, for giving me another day with my kids. Instead I should have focused my energy more on my kids, rather than the bickering in my family. This was a slap in the face to me! (I needed it, trust me!)

What gets me more than anything is that a few months ago, I was that positive person. I was optimistic almost all the time. Why am I now so different?  Well, I know why, the devil is attacking me from every front possible. But, it’s so hard to see it coming, so hard to notice it all the time. Sometimes, I can shake my head and think, yep, that’s the devil. Other times it takes a best friend to say, “Stop shutting down! What are you teaching your kids!?” Wow, that comment in itself made me sit straight up!

This whole process has brought on and made me face so many emotions that I haven’t ever dealt with. I’m not good at moving forward. I dwell on so much stuff that has happened in my life, instead of learning from it and moving forward. With those emotions, I can’t sleep! If I don’t take something to help me sleep, emotions are ten times worse the next day. Looking back at it, I can say, “That is the devil, he’s using you!” Why can I not think of it when it is happening?

Little background about me; I HATE crying!!! No, seriously, I despise crying. I can handle others emotions, my own emotions are tucked away deep. I am the type of person that wants to take care of others. I know a lot of that is from the way I grew up. So, what does my best friend do today, recommends me to listen to a song. It’s called Blessings, by Laura Story. Wow! That song describes me, way too well. Is there a hidden camera in my house? I love the song, and it’s sung very sweetly. I love singing to it, but, what do I do every time that I hear it? You got it, CRY!

How am I supposed to deal with these emotions? Just a sec, I’m going to listen to song again and see if it tells me how!


Okay, it says, “What if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near? What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?” Okay, so to me, it sounds like to me, I need to open my eyes! I need to pray! I need to trust that He is there! I need to stop letting things pull me down like I have been! Sleepless nights need to equal prayer, journaling, possibly crying…………………….

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