Prayer
It feels like it has been forever since I blogged. This last week I started a blog and then deleted it because it was more of a whining session. That's not how I want to use my blogs.
So prayer has been on my mind a lot lately. Praying, especially when I'm praying in front of others stresses me out! (I know, crazy, right!?) I know there's no such thing as a perfect prayer, that it's just a conversation between me and God, that it's not for others, it's for God. I know all of this stuff, but I still get stressed out.
It was brought to my attention today that when I want to back out and not pray at the beginning of the day, that I'm taking my focus off of God and putting it on myself, that how I'm feeling is more important. It's all about focus, changing focus from myself to God, not how it makes me feel, not anything to do about me, but GOD! When I was told that I'm taking the focus off of God, I felt like I had let Him down. (AGAIN!)
As I was sitting here typing my 6 year old sat beside me and asked me, "How are you a good writer?" All he was seeing was me typing fast and the words that were coming out. When he asked that something clicked in my head, just like anything new that we learn, I practiced. I've not always typed fast, I've not always been able to write. There's been times that I've struggled with just putting words together and knowing what I wanted to say, much less write. After my first stroke, I struggled so much with thinking of words. I still struggle when I get really nervous or angry. That first stroke was in 2003, since that happened I had to practice. I had to just keep going, not giving up, not shutting down, and the part that about killed me, asking others for help. (Why do I dread this?)
I face a constant battle every day to fight against the devil. Lately, he's been trying to get me to stop praying, because if I stop praying, because I'm uncomfortable, that means that I stop communicating with God. If that happens, then I'll probably stop reading the bible, if that happens, then I'll probably start sinning again more. It's a downward spiral that I won't be able to control, if I let the devil win and stop praying in the mornings.
So I have to take the same action I did after my strokes. Practice, keep going, and ask for help. Now, to put those into action.
There's so much more that I could say about praying and talking to God, but maybe I'll write more in another blog.
So prayer has been on my mind a lot lately. Praying, especially when I'm praying in front of others stresses me out! (I know, crazy, right!?) I know there's no such thing as a perfect prayer, that it's just a conversation between me and God, that it's not for others, it's for God. I know all of this stuff, but I still get stressed out.
It was brought to my attention today that when I want to back out and not pray at the beginning of the day, that I'm taking my focus off of God and putting it on myself, that how I'm feeling is more important. It's all about focus, changing focus from myself to God, not how it makes me feel, not anything to do about me, but GOD! When I was told that I'm taking the focus off of God, I felt like I had let Him down. (AGAIN!)
As I was sitting here typing my 6 year old sat beside me and asked me, "How are you a good writer?" All he was seeing was me typing fast and the words that were coming out. When he asked that something clicked in my head, just like anything new that we learn, I practiced. I've not always typed fast, I've not always been able to write. There's been times that I've struggled with just putting words together and knowing what I wanted to say, much less write. After my first stroke, I struggled so much with thinking of words. I still struggle when I get really nervous or angry. That first stroke was in 2003, since that happened I had to practice. I had to just keep going, not giving up, not shutting down, and the part that about killed me, asking others for help. (Why do I dread this?)
I face a constant battle every day to fight against the devil. Lately, he's been trying to get me to stop praying, because if I stop praying, because I'm uncomfortable, that means that I stop communicating with God. If that happens, then I'll probably stop reading the bible, if that happens, then I'll probably start sinning again more. It's a downward spiral that I won't be able to control, if I let the devil win and stop praying in the mornings.
So I have to take the same action I did after my strokes. Practice, keep going, and ask for help. Now, to put those into action.
There's so much more that I could say about praying and talking to God, but maybe I'll write more in another blog.
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