Struggles

Struggles are an everyday part of my life right now. Sometimes, I feel like I’m never going to overcome them. Sometimes, I feel like just giving up, like just giving into the temptation. But then I’m reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has over taken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. It’s so hard to know what the way out is……. A phone call to someone……I don’t know……I’m tired of being a bother to others.

Well, the other night, I was struggling big time. Good news? I didn’t give in. I fought with everything that I had not to give in. Was it hard? Oh, more than you’ll ever now. I still don’t know how I did it. I was so overwhelmed with everything, from my marriage, to the sickness running through my family, to normal daily stress.  I was mentally done. I wanted to climb into a hole and not come out. Instead, I ran, and ran. It was the hardest I had run in quite a while. At one point my phone fell out of my pocket, breaking the screen, again, second time in the last month. That was a breaking point, I cried and cried, and ran and ran. I just didn’t know what to do. I felt like no matter what I did I was not going to overcome. When that night finally ended, I didn’t make the bad choice that I wanted to make. I went home and crashed. I was mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. But I hadn’t gone where I really wanted to go. So, I guess that’s one for me.

I was told to read James 1:13-15 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown gives birth to death.

 So I was drug away by my own evil desire………this needs to stop. As I’ve been told, I need to use my stubbornness to stop this behavior.

As I got to staring at the above verse, I went a verse backward to James 1:12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

So was that night a trial? I don’t know. For now, I’m going to say yes, because I need to feel like I won something.