What if I stumble?



Okay, this song has came across my radio and my internet a couple times today. It's by DC Talk, What If I stumble? This is another struggle that I have.

I feel like every time I go down the path that I did earlier, on the verge of  a shut down, that I stumble. I lose sight of God, I lose my Faith and trust in Him. Great, now I have to apologize to my Pastor! I had this argument with him a couple weeks ago regarding that same sentence. He told me that every time I let myself go down that path that I lose my Faith. (Not sure of exact wording, but that was basically it.) I argued with him.........great!!!!

It took a few hours, but I was able to pull myself out of it. I prayed, I read the bible, sang, cried a bit, then I forced myself to get up and do something! (That was the hardest part.) But, I have a clearer head now!!!

Back to the song. I can relate to the lyrics. Especially in a few parts.

     Father please forgive me for I can not compose
     The fear that lives within me
     Or the rate at which it grows
     If struggle has a purpose
     On the narrow road you've carved
     Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar?

Living with the fear is something that I am always going to struggle with. But what does that last line mean? "Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scare?" 

      Do they see the fear in my eyes?
     Are they so revealing?
     This time I cannot disguise
     All the doubt I'm feeling

I have wondered this more times then not. But not only the fear. I could put many words in there, hurt, anger, agony......general unhappiness. I am getting better with most of these........I am having more joyful times then not. 

 The line that I absolutely hold on to right now is:

      I hear you whispering my name
     "My love for you will never change"

Read more: DC Talk - What If I Stumble? Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

 As long as I keep doing what I'm doing; praying, reading - His "love for me will never change." 

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