Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone


Okay, I absolutely know that no one likes to step out of there comfort zones. We all have fears, anxieties, doubts about ourselves that we battle. It's different for everyone. Some have more then others. (Me included in that count!!!) When I started this blog, I used a different name due to the fact that I didn't want anyone finding out who was writing it. This was for many reasons, most of it dealing with my past and all the things I have done completely wrong. I have worked very hard to let most of it go, but I still have a long ways to go. Living in a small town, I fear about others finding out, which is why I chose to us an alias on this blog, in hopes that no one would find out. 

After many talks with good friends of mine, and a close call (for lack of better terms), I have finally let myself worry less about people finding out. In the words of my wonderful friend, (who sees things a lot clearer then I do), "How awesome of a story for you to be able to say 'this is the healing power of Jesus'. What an awesome testimony!" Testimony is a hard thing for me. I've given a few of them at church, but outside of church I struggle with. (I'll add that to my list of struggles. Haha!)

Then, after debating on whether or not to just delete the whole thing, or delete the most personal parts, my other good friend says I need to "ask God to lead me in putting exactly what He wants in there knowing that person might see it. He's going to keep asking you to trust and follow Him. Not your strength but His and not your will but His. He's using you!" I can't even fathom that last part, He's using me? Why? When I started this blog, it was because I needed to get help for me. I needed to be able to put my thoughts down, recognize what was going on inside of me. Why would He use me? 

I have had this conversation with my Pastor for awhile about God asking me to step out of my comfort zone, to trust Him, to give it all to Him. As my new life has gone this past few months, I keep stepping out of my comfort zone; giving a testimony during revival service, singing in front of the church, getting baptized, and more. I keep thinking it's going to get easier, maybe someday it will. But I do know that I have to trust Him. 
  
             Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not                be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

 If someone does find out about this blog that I don't want to, I have to give it to God, I have to trust that God will be by my side. I am going to work on being strong and courageous. So many times behind my smile, I am emotionally breaking myself down, tearing myself apart, beating myself up. My new life has to leave all those emotions behind me. I am a new creation!!!!!!!!!

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