How did I end up here?

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Well, I've been thinking about this for a while. I pretty much know the short answer, "God's plan!" But I still have to wonder, ponder, and worry about the answer to this question. 

A year ago, we weren't even attending church, now, doors are open, we are there. 

Less then that, my husband and I were basically done with each other. We were living together, but acting/living as a married couple. Now, we are trying to get back to where we are supposed to be at. I'm still not sure where that is, but at least we are both trying. 

Seven months ago - I broke. I have no more words then that for the whole occurrence. I still feel broke, but I feel more and more like God is trying to glue the pieces back together. I almost feel like I have to create this new person. Well, like God has to create this new person. While I'm struggling, he's being patient and waiting for me to get it. I still struggle every day to leave the old way I used to do things behind me. I get my feelings hurt pretty easily, (even though I try not to show it), I still like to have control of everything (this is the hardest for me), I don't like relying on anyone else (why when they always let you down), I don't like to cry (it doesn't help), I second guess every decision that I make (too many poor decisions & choices), I over analyze everything instead of taking it at face value (that goes back to getting feelings hurt too easily), I feel like for every step forward I take, I fall back 2 steps, I don't trust anyone (I feel like everyone has a hidden agenda). Now, with all of that being said that was all from my heart. From my heart and emotions. Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?" Now, think! Who can use all of these feelings and emotions against me? Yep, the devil...........How do I stop him............ James 4:7 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." 

STOP over-analyzing, STOP worrying, put your trust in God, ask God for help! Let the tears come.....................................SUBMIT!!!!

After reflecting about all of this and more, I ponder about the next questions,  "What will I be like in a year? Where will I be on my walk with Jesus? Will God have called me to do something for Him by that point? How will I know if He does?" 









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